Twilight Saga

A comment made on a local article about Eclipse opening in Jackson, MI:
"Twilight is like soccer. They run around for 2 hours, nobody scores and its billion fans insist you just don't understand." ~ MisanthropicApatheist

I did like the books and will end up seeing all of the movies, but I can still see the humor in this comment!

Jeff Dunham's Arguing With Myself

"Walter: How long've you been married?
Jeff Dunham: Fifteen years.
Walter: You'll see.
Jeff Dunham: See what?
Walter: Remember when you said, "'Til death do us part"?
Jeff Dunham: Yeah.
Walter: Later you'll realize you were actually setting a goal."

Stick It!

"Joanne: [Jealous that some girl-girls are getting attention from some hot guys] What do they have that we don't have?
Wei Wei: Lives.
Mina: Time.
Haley: Boobs.
[Mina and Wei Wei look at their chests]"

Stick It!

"Burt Vickerman: You're popping your clutch, losing traction.
Haley Graham: I'm not popping shit.
Burt Vickerman: Are you sure?
Haley Graham: I'm so sure I'm practically deodorant."

Stick It!

"Gymnastics tells you no. All day long. It mocks you over and over again. Telling you you're an idiot. That you're crazy. If you like running full-speed towards a stationary object, vault's for you. If you like pealing pieces of skin the size of quarters of your hands... bars is for you. Because the only thing more fun then rips, is when your rips get rips. It's super sexy. And floor, are you serious, I mean who doesn't want to parade around in a leotard getting wedgies and doing dorky choreography? It's delicious. If you like falling, then gymnastics is thee sport for you! You get to fall on your face, your ass, your back, your knees, and your pride! It's a good thing I didn't like falling... I LOVED IT!" ~ Haley Graham

Stick It!

"Elite gymnastics is like, the navy seals, only harder. There are like 2000 navy seals, there are only like, 200 elite gymnasts. Guess that's because there's kids who's rather have a life than spend 6 hours a day training tricks that could kill you. Don't be fooled by the leotards people, the things gymnasts do make navy seals look like wusses. And we do them without a gun." ~ Haley Graham

Stick It!

"[in response to Vickerman's gold-medal promises to several parents] Yeah, um, you've got a lot of people going to the Olympics. Just curious, what country will they be representing? The state of delusion?" ~ Haley Graham

Stick It!

"Frank: Are you kidding me? She's a bitch, dude.
Poot: Dude.
Joanne: What?
Frank: You heard me miss bossy booty, I don't like the way you act.
Poot: Dude, I totally hate you right now. Ahh, see what Frank is really trying to say is um, it would by my honor.
Joanne: You think I'm a bitch?
Poot: [Silence] No... Yeah, kinda I do, but I don't have the problem with it that Frank does. I mean, he's gay.
Joanne: Call me!
Poot: Stalk you!
Poot: Dude, I don't even know you anymore. What's a corsage.
Frank: The universal sign for whichet, whipped.
Poot: Dude, what's so wrong about being whipped? Dude, when is that a bad thing? [pause] Ever.
Frank: Huh, good point."

Post Grad

"Adam Davies: It's 90 degrees out and your feet are freezing.
Ryden Malby: My feet are always cold. I have the feet of an 80-year old man."

(This hits pretty close to home for me since my feet are almost always freezing. ~ Rachel)